Dana Reinhardt is the author of A Brief Chapter in My Impossible Life, Harmless and How to Build a House. Her most recent novel, The Things a Brother Knows, was named a best book of the year by Kirkus, School Library Journal, Booklist and NPR. The Summer I Learned to Fly, a book that is partially about acts of kindness and very much about gourmet cheese, comes out in July 2011.
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the kindest of strangers
I’m willing to go out on a limb here and guess that most stories of kindness do not begin with drug addicted celebrity bad boys.
Mine does.
His name is Robert Downey Jr.
You’ve probably heard of him. You may or may not be a fan, but I am, and I was in the early 90’s when this story takes place.
It was at a garden party for the ACLU of Southern California. My stepmother was the executive director, which is why I was in attendance without having to pay the $150 fee. It’s not that I don’t support the ACLU, it’s that I was barely twenty and had no money to speak of.
I was escorting my grandmother. There isn’t enough room in this essay to explain to you everything she was, I would need volumes, so for the sake of brevity I will tell you that she was beautiful even in her eighties, vain as the day is long, and whip smart, though her particular sort of intelligence did not encompass recognizing young celebrities.
I pointed out Robert Downey Jr. to her when he arrived, in a gorgeous cream-colored linen suit, with Sarah Jessica Parker on his arm. My grandmother shrugged, far more interested in piling her paper plate with various unidentifiable cheeses cut into cubes. He wasn’t Carey Grant or Gregory Peck. What did she care?
The afternoon’s main honoree was Ron Kovic, whose story of his time in the Vietnam War that had left him confined to a wheelchair had recently been immortalized in the Oliver Stone film Born on the Fourth of July.
I mention the wheelchair because it played an unwitting role in what happened next.
We made our way to our folding chairs in the garden with our paper plates and cubed cheeses and we watched my stepmother give one of her eloquent speeches and a plea for donations, and there must have been a few other people who spoke but I can’t remember who, and then Ron Kovic took the podium, and he was mesmerizing, and when it was all over we stood up to leave, and my grandmother tripped.
We’d been sitting in the front row (nepotism has its privileges) and when she tripped she fell smack into the wheelchair ramp that provided Ron Kovic with access to the stage. I didn’t know that wheelchair ramps have sharp edges, but they do, at least this one did, and it sliced her shin right open.
The volume of blood was staggering.
I’d like to be able to tell you that I raced into action; that I quickly took control of the situation, tending to my grandmother and calling for the ambulance that was so obviously needed, but I didn’t. I sat down and put my head between my knees because I thought I was going to faint. Did I mention the blood?
Luckily, somebody did take control of the situation, and that person was Robert Downey Jr.
He ordered someone to call an ambulance. Another to bring a glass of water. Another to fetch a blanket. He took off his gorgeous linen jacket and he rolled up his sleeves and he grabbed hold of my grandmother’s leg, and then he took that jacket that I’d assumed he’d taken off only to it keep out of the way, and he tied it around her wound. I watched the cream colored linen turn scarlet with her blood.
He told her not to worry. He told her it would be alright. He knew, instinctively, how to speak to her, how to distract her, how to play to her vanity. He held onto her calf and he whistled. He told her how stunning her legs were.
She said to him, to my humiliation: “My granddaughter tells me you’re a famous actor but I’ve never heard of you.”
He stayed with her until the ambulance came and then he walked alongside the stretcher holding her hand and telling her she was breaking his heart by leaving the party so early, just as they were getting to know each other. He waved to her as they closed the doors. “Don’t forget to call me, Silvia,” he said. “We’ll do lunch.”
He was a movie star, after all.
Believe it or not, I hurried into the ambulance without saying a word. I was too embarrassed and too shy to thank him.
We all have things we wish we’d said. Moments we’d like to return to and do differently. Rarely do we get that chance to make up for those times that words failed us. But I did. Many years later.
I should mention here that when Robert Downey Jr. was in prison for being a drug addict (which strikes me as absurd and cruel, but that’s the topic for a different essay), I thought of writing to him. Of reminding him of that day when he was humanity personified. When he was the best of what we each can be. When he was the kindest of strangers.
But I didn’t.
Some fifteen years after that garden party, ten years after my grandmother had died and five since he’d been released from prison, I saw him in a restaurant.
I grew up in Los Angeles where celebrity sightings are commonplace and where I was raised to respect people’s privacy and never bother someone while they’re out having a meal, but on this day I decided to abandon the code of the native Angeleno, and my own shyness, and I approached his table.
I said to him, “I don’t have any idea if you remember this…” and I told him the story.
He remembered.
“I just wanted to thank you,” I said. “And I wanted to tell you that it was simply the kindest act I’ve ever witnessed.”
He stood up and he took both of my hands in his and he looked into my eyes and he said, “You have absolutely no idea how much I needed to hear that today.”
Next week, an essay by Sogol Gremi. Please submit your questions and / or Q4K essays (no longer than 1,000 words, and no attachments please) to questforkindness[at]gmail.com
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What a powerful example of two acts of kindness separated by many years. While Downey’s act of kindness to stop the blood flow was wonderful, his words of comfort were even more so. Dana’s act of kindness in thanking Downey was its equal. I’ve always been a fan of his acting, but am now a fan of him as a person as well. And I’m a fan of Dana, too.
Fantastic story of how kindness matters…even to movie stars. Thanks, Dana, for adding your voice. I really enjoyed this essay. And everyone else, if you haven’t read THE THINGS A BROTHER KNOWS, you should, because it’s a timely important YA novel and it’s damn good too. Buy your copy today!
I’ve read this essay a few times now, and every time, I feel uplifted. It’s easy to dismiss famous people as callous or shallow or idiotic because “news” stories concentrate on the scandal or misfortune that surrounds them. Human encounters like this one don’t make the tabloids. But that doesn’t mean they don’t happen. Thanks for this behind-the-scenes look at a person who has fascinated me ever since Weird Science!
Wow. I found this blog site via Elise Allen’s blog – I just popped in for a quick peek, and I was floored. Well done, Dana.
I have always enjoyed Downey’s acting, and felt there was more to him than the tabloids showed. I felt for him during the trials and prison, and wished better for him – of him. I’m glad to know he can be what I hoped he could be, and that someone acknowledged it to him – and he appreciated it.
I have long been a fan of both Robert Downey Jr. and Dana Reinhardt — now more than ever.
What a beautiful essay… I love the serendipity of a second meeting and a chance to complete the circle. Lovely.
I forgot who linked me to this story on Twitter, but I love it. It’s the kind of thing you don’t hear too often. You often hear the bad news. This is fantastic and uplifting.
Thank you Dana for the chills! What a tale of kindness. Thank you for sharing!
That is lovely! The story gave me cold chills. Thanks for that.
What a great story, and a real reminder that we have very little ability to gauge the power of our day to day actions. I’ve always liked that guy, felt like he had a good heart, and now I know it to be true. Thanks for sharing!
Great story, Dana. Proves you don’t need to be a superhero to save the day. Well, I guess Robert happens to be Iron Man, but you know what I mean.
Wow… That’s an absolutely beautiful story. Not only was his generosity beautiful, but it was also a giving act to share how much it meant to you, even so many years later.
Like you, I’m very close with my grandmother. She went through some tough times recently, and I was amazed again and again by the way complete strangers stepped up to help. Given the opportunity, I’ve found that most people are eager to step up and surprise us with their capacity for good, even (as you’ve shown) supposedly “shallow” movie stars.
Thanks so much for sharing your story!
Love, love, love, love, LOVE – this post, and also Robert Downey, Jr., for many, many years just like you.
And, Dana, I love THE THINGS A BROTHER KNOWS as well, and have sung its praises around the blogosphere. Cannot WAIT for your next book!!
What a lovely, lovely story. It brought tears to my eyes. I have been a fan of RDJ for many years, but have even more admiration for him now. I am so glad that he was appreciative of the thanks too. Delightful.
I actually teared up a little reading this. Thanks!
Wow….what a great Q4K…thanks Dana as this had me from the first sentence. How great it would be if stories like this could grace the media instead of only the mistakes and misfortunes of those famous. What a positive influence it would be on our children so enamored by stars. So glad you had the chance to tell him what his kindness meant to you at a time when knowing meant the most…love it…love RDj but actually love your grandmother the most!!!
What a lovely tale. I’ve been a smitten RDJ fan for years, as he seems to have a great deal of intelligence and deep feeling that imbue his work with intensity. It’s a lovely reminder that sometimes sharing ourselves does a great service to others.
I too, have been a Downey fan for many years. I have met Robert several times over the past 7 + years and he is always most gracious and sweet to me. I just turned 82 and I think Robert must have a special place in his heart for “older ladies”. He does have a very tender heart.
Dana, I have tears rolling down my cheeks while reading your beautiful story and the lovely acknowledgement of Robert’s kindness and his caring ways. Even more tears reading his words of appreciation to you! Thank you for sharing your story.
Tears are rolling down my cheeks as well as I am reading your beautiful story and the lovely acknowledgem
ent of Robert’s kindness and his caring ways. Even more tears reading his words of appreciation to you! Thank you for sharing your story. I have met Robert many times as well over the past 15+ years. Even durign his wild days. I found him always to be so gracious and sweet to me too. I just turned 53 and I think Robert must have a special place in his heart for ladies – alla ages. In fact I think he loves people and kindness.
GOD BLESS ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
Have a great day. HELENE GUDMUNDSSON
Good essay and everyone should read Dana Reinhardt’s books. They are really well written- honest and moving!
Wonderful essay.
I have a moment like that, introducing someone to a famous music person & hearing her be asked: what do you play?
Loved this. I’ve always been a fan of RDJ but now even more so, to know that he is such a kind person and very down-to-earth. And now I am a fan of Dana Reinhardt as well. Thank you Dana!
What an amazing story, I wish stories like this were in the media more. Thanks so much for sharing it with us. RDJ- what a beautiful man.
Found my way here from twitter – what a lovely story this is! Thanks for sharing!
I just knew someone that amazing had to be sweet too! Thank you for sharing your story! =] [=
I love him! I have a teenage girl crush on him and have for years. I’m so glad to hear he’s not an ass.
What a great story! Thank you, Dana!
You gave me the gift of happy tears. Thanks Dana, to borrow a phrase, you have no idea how much I needed that today.
How sweet! I’m glad you finally told him how thankful you were. I would have done the same thing, though I would have been shaking in my boots. That’s a wonderful story. It’s always nice to hear that good deeds still happen in the world. Thanks for sharing!
As if I needed another reason to love RDJr. Great story!
I cried reading this..
Wow, i am a big big fan of RDJ and i am now sure that I’m never wrong to be supporting him after all this years..
People judge other people (bec of the bad things they do)..
And everyone of us has imperfections..
but it will only take someone who strongly believe in someone to embrace such imperfections..
This one goes out to all RDJrs..
What a fantastic story. It’s so nice to have my good opinion of RDJ reinforced. Thank you for sharing this.
This is so fantastic. But please, please please: Kovic isn’t “confined” to a wheelchair any more than you’re confined to your shoes. He uses it to get around. It’s a tool.
Otherwise, the best story I’ve heard all year.
From the first time we met through the magic of Hollywood, he had the quality that makes him stand out no matter what. You just know he’s good and kind, and everything else is just life getting in the way. I’m glad you were allowed to experience the magic of serendipity, that you had the guts to say thanks. We aren’t often allowed such gifts. They don’t have to be World Famous Somebodys. They can be found in the most unexpected places. Thank you so much for reminding me the wonder of life still exists and people are basically good.
I came across this after a friend of mine posted the link on Facebook; needless to say, I shared it as well. I’ve always felt that not only is RDJ one of his generation’s best actors, but that he’s basically a good person as well–he’s always struck me as having very kind eyes–so it’s always good to have one’s high opinion of someone confirmed, but the way the whole story comes full circle with Dana’s thanking him and how much that meant to him is very moving…now I’m getting all verklempt here. *sniff* Anyway, with the world in the state it’s in, it’s always comforting to be reminded that there really are good people in the world–some very well-known, others not so much, but all of them important.
Oh my God I am in tears.
A few years ago, Robert Downey Jr. was astonishingly kind to my sons after a play at the Ahmanson, taking more time than “common celebrity courtesy” requires to talk with them about their career aspirations. I think of that moment often, so it is appropriate this morning that I stumbled on this sweet story online.
So good to hear that a great actor is also a great human being!I am so glad that he has finally met his love and his life has completely turned around God Bless Him!Love and light Olivia.
Found this via link on tumblr and I absolutely fell in love with him even more. Beautiful story and I love its honest writing.
This was one of my favorite posts on Q4K.
I would like to say that this is the most remarkable, heartwarming story I have ever heard. I loved Robert Downey Jr before I even laid eyes on this story and now, I love him even more! He’s so sweet!
I LOVE THIS STORY!! 
I can’t get over how he wouldn’t leave her side until the ambulance showed up. That is so sweet! Most men out there would just stand in the back and look at the tragedy as it continued but he comforted her and never left her side. 
DEFINETELY AMAZING! This shows that there are people out there like that! I bet God was proud of the great deed he did that day! 
God bless you and Robert Downey Jr! 
Y’all deserve it!
WOW! I loved, loved, LOVED reading this story…how do I SUBSCRIBE to your blog?
I have one too, in case you’re interested:
http://www.dawnajoywightman.com
Love & light,
Dawna
I loved this story…HOW do I SUBSCRIBE to your blog?
Maybe you’ll read mine?
http://www.dawnajoywightman.com
Love & light,
Dawna